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These are jokes that have been accepted and added, submitted by players. They can be about the world of Alyria, or the players in it. If you have any jokes feel free to submit them to zarath@knightsofchaos.com
Life submitted by PEANUT
Computer - 500$
Connection to the internet - 40$
Desk for the computer 100$
Connecting to the internet and STILL not being able to find people who like you but your family?
Member Roster for Clan #103, Eternal Darkness (Lodge):
No. Name Ranking
-----------------------------------------
[ 1] *Zaeren Magister
[ 9] Alekzandra Magistra
[ 19] Genavieve Magistra
...Priceless
Twelve Steps to Quitting Materia Magica submitted by a Recently Retired Addict
Step One: Admit that you are powerless over Materia Magica and that your life has become unmanageable. This includes but is not limited to telling your clannies that you haven't changed your underwear in a week because you are a quest whore.
Step Two: You must believe that a higher power greater than Vassago can restore your sanity. You have no choice because he does not give sitebans upon request.
Step Three: You must make a decision to succumb to that higher power. This includes but is not limited to deleting your MUD client and removing Towne Hall Index from your favorites.
Step Four: You must make a fearless inventory of what your life consists of. If it is worse than eating, drinking and masturbating one handed because of typing, stop at this step and seek professional help.
Step Five: You must admit to yourself and an ACTUAL HUMAN BEING the nature of your addiction. If you have alienated any flesh and blood from your life because of Materia Magica, start with the paperboy, the mailman, and move up to your bank teller.
Step Six: You must be ready to have all your addictions removed from your person. This is limited to all MUDs, especially Sentience, in which case you should be shot by your closest living relative.
Step Seven: You must get out of your house at least once a week, even if it's not necessary. We promise that the sunlight will not harm you.
Step Eight: Make amends with any and all people you have harmed with your senseless addiction to Materia Magica. This does not include telemarketers whom you told to fuck off in the middle of a quest.
Step Nine: Seek help when you feel a temptation to play coming on. If you have to give your younger brother or sister $20 to cut off your fingers, then by all means do so.
Step Ten: Learn to eat meals with a knife and fork. This will keep your typing hand occupied and will ward off any such temptations that would require removal of fingers or limbs.
Step Eleven: Remove any and all reminders as your life as a Materia Magica character. If this is not possible due to tattoos or body alterations of any type, we may suggest having that part of your body removed and incinerated.
Step Twelve: Always keep in mind that the bank is not forgiving if you are overdrawn on your account due to excessive donations. We would hate to see you end up being someone's prison bitch because you wrote a bad check to Vassago.
Materia Magica Warning! submitted by a The Surgeon General
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